Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Ski season is almost here!
10 Exercises to get you prepared:
10. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.
9. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.
8. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.
7. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
6. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.
5. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.
4. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler.
3. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.
2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.
1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing!
10. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.
9. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.
8. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.
7. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
6. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.
5. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.
4. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler.
3. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.
2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.
1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing!
Monday, December 1, 2008
Today's Excerpts
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
If Operating Systems were Airlines
UNIX Airways
Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.
Air DOS
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. They then push again, jump on again, and so on...
Mac Airlines
All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.
Windows Air
The airport terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.
Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.
Air DOS
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. They then push again, jump on again, and so on...
Mac Airlines
All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.
Windows Air
The airport terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Joke of the day.
An aggie, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.
She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly.
She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, An Aggie"
The woman then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning she checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. She looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow aggie?"
She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly.
She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, An Aggie"
The woman then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning she checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. She looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow aggie?"
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