Reasons I voted Democrat:

I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.

I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

Because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

Because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I've decided to marry my horse.

Because when we pull out of Iraq I trust that the bad guys will stop what they're doing because they now think we're good people.

Because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.

I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as THEY see fit.

I believe liberal judges need to rewrite The Constitution every few days when someone cannot get their agendas past the voters.

Your horse

This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan. He asks, 'What was that for?'

She replies, 'What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?'

He says, 'Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on.'

She is appeased and goes off to work around the house. Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting.

He says, 'What's that for this time?'

She answered, 'Your horse called.'